Feeler Moments
by koichii
Summary: I'm hoping that someday, the stories I've created about me and him will turn into a quaint and ancient volume of forgotten lore.
1. And Then It Started

**Another fic. For those who read and reviewed my latest fic "Dear Friend?", thank you guys!**

**Riko Chiaki: Yeah. Athrun can buy lots of rings because it's only for $2! XDDDD I hate cockroaches. They always take my breath way. In a bad away that is.**

**Fate Camiswhil: No one would ever say no to Athrun. Hehehehe Cagalli will do everything Athrun wants. Yeah. Let's reserve our thoughts for when they get married. LOL. Yeah, it's pretty short. I tend to make haste of things. hehehehe**

**Written in Cagalli's POV. XDDDD**

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><p><strong>Feeler Moments<strong>

I've known him for four years now. We're classmates in college. I've first seen him on the very first day of our enrollment. I was leaning against the wall of the social sciences division, bored to death. The professors who were supposed to sign my enrollment form were not there yet and it was already freaking eleven in the morning. I couldn't do anything but sigh in irritation.

Then suddenly, someone asked the girl beside me a question. I looked up to the source of the voice and saw him. I'm not really into boys but I found him pleasing to the eye. He has this midnight blue hair which looks so soft to touch and emerald green eyes that looked a bit sleepy. He was wearing a red shirt and khaki shorts. Yeah, I could still remember what he wore on our first day **(A/N: Sounds familiar desuuu?)**. He was asking where he could find a certain teacher. He didn't look my way and I'm not even sure that he knew I was there.

So, it left me thinking. Was he a first year student, too? Are we on the same course? Well, you could imagine my glee when I saw him during our block orientation. I was really itching to know his name that time and make my presence known for he still looked like he didn't notice me.

So what I did? We were having a game of longest line. We were teammates. During the game, he pulled out his high school ID and placed it on the line. When the game ended, I swiftly picked up his ID and stared at it for a moment before returning it to him. I didn't get his reaction for I quickly walked away.

"So his name's Athrun Zala."

And my sort of one-sided love began.

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><p><strong>Yeah. This was supposed to be a one-shot. But then I realized there are too many words or something. LOL.<strong>

**`KOICHII**


	2. Over One Umbrella

**Fate Camiswhil:**** It's sort of mine and of a friend. Hehe I love longest line game. XDD**

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><p><strong>Feeler Moments<strong>

I wasn't really seriously attracted to him at first. I was like, okay, he made my college days fun though we didn't really talk for a few months since class began.

We just started being quite chummy during summer break on first year. We texted a lot. He told me he was just bored at home and though it hurt a little, I didn't mind it at all.

We were on our second year when it started. The FMs or the Feeler Moments. Me and one of my closest girl friend started interpreting our crushes' actions that would make us giggle over and over. We sort of fantasized that they like us, too. We just kept that between ourselves though. Me, Mir and Lacus. Though Lacus doesn't make any FMs cause she's together with her dream boy, Kira. I mean, they're a couple. She's just there to listen to us share and giggle over it every afternoon when we're going home.

My earliest memory of Athrun was the time when we shared an umbrella. Me, Mir, Lacus, Kira and him were running late for our next class which was on the other side of the building. In order to reach this building, we have to cross the road but it's raining hard. My umbrella was sort of broken so I found the prettiest excuse to not share it with my other friends who don't have any protection from the rain.

I was practically walking towards the gate when someone bumped into me and forcibly ducked under my umbrella. I looked up and my heart did some somersaults when I saw it was Athrun. "Can I share?" He asked with a smile.

I nodded automatically. "But I'm not going to pass on the shortcut. It's slippery there." I said as we began walking towards our next class. I saw our other friends running to make it in time.

He shrugged as he scooted closer to me so he wouldn't get wet. I practically stopped breathing when our arms touched. "I don't mind. I'll follow you wherever you go." And again there's that smile of his.

_Bus stop, wet days, he's there I said, please share my umbrella…_

_All the people stare as if we were both quite insane. Someday my name and his are going to be the same._

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><p><strong>Song: Bus Stop (The Hollies)<strong>

**It's pretty crappy. Tsk.**

**`KOICHII**


	3. So Close

**Riko Chiaki:**** It's me? hahahaha sort of. XDD**

**Writing this fic brings out long-buried memories to the surface again. I'm kinda feeling emo now. DDDDDD**

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><p><strong>Feeler Moments<strong>

We were seatmates in our last subject. I supposed that when you're in college, you can practically sit anywhere. But one of our professors insisted to have a seat plan. Athrun and I were both late that afternoon so basically, we ended up sitting next to each other. I didn't know whether to get happy or not.

We were practically the closest to the aircon and it was turned to us so we got most of the cold air. Because of the cold, one time, both of us unknowingly snuggled close to each other for warmth. I don't know if he noticed it or he just didn't care at all. I froze on my seat and just let it be. I just kidded myself that he liked it, too. Another feeler moment for me.

Since then, I would figuratively drag the time so it would be time for our last class. I just want to sit beside him and be close to him. We really didn't talk to each other that much out of class. One time, I got tired of copying the notes our professor was discussing so I stopped and just doodled on the back part of my notebook. Athrun, who didn't really take notes, suddenly grabbed my notebook from me and began to draw on it.

When he returned it to me, I saw that he drew a face of skull with its tongue protruding from its mouth **(A/N: Like Lord Voldemort's Dark Mark)**. I raised an eyebrow and turned to him. I didn't know he can draw well. He even signed his name under it. "Is this a self-portrait?" I joked. He laughed causing the professor to look at us.

I lost the notebook after second year. Luckily, I was able to tear that page where he drew and kept it. Up to this day, I still have it in my wallet.

_So close to reaching that famous happy ending_

_Almost believing this one's not pretend._

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><p><strong>Song: So Close (Jon Mclaughlin)<strong>


	4. Risks, Friendship and Photographs

**Feeler Moments**

The next thing I knew, we already have the same circle of friends. We were hanging out more often. We texted and chatted more often. Heck, my hopes went up that he felt something for me, too.

During third year, Mir had a chat with him. She was basically asking him if he likes someone. He never admitted it and just kept beating around the bush until Mir brought up my name. She said that it took him a moment to answer and then he laughed.

"Cagalli? Yeah. I like her. She's independent, strong-willed and strict. But she's too sharp-tongued. Plus, she's with Shin already." He told my brunette girlfriend. **(A/N: Why Shin? His name is too close to the name of the original character. LOL.)**

How did I know about this? Well, Mir pretty told me all.

When Athrun found about it, he got angry at Mir. My friend defended herself by saying that I deserve to know it. He got pissed even more. "And don't you think nothing will change after this?"

Since then, he started to ignore her.

Then one time, while I was online, I saw him post a status on facebook. _I don't risk friendships. _My heart stopped at the thought. I know he's referring to me.

That was the thing I don't like about him. He's scared to take risks. Friends are just friends. And they will remain to be friends only.

Feigning ignorance about all of it was easy. I just avoided talking about love life when he's around and would not look at him straight in the eye. In short, I subtly avoided him. It's not easy, you know. Our block only had 20 people so it's not hard to ignore someone.

Life went on. We would still talk about trivial things and would sit next to each other in class. Seems like the whole block knew about my feelings for him. His close friends, Kira and Dearka even told me that Athrun feels the same for me, too. But I didn't believe them for the blue-haired boy was acting the opposite. Kira said that Athrun's just being stubborn. Too stubborn.

On the second semester of our third year, our classmates seemed to become so obsessed about cam-whoring. Lots of pictures circulated in facebook at that time and I was pretty delighted to see that most of them were pictures of me and him. Just the two of us. Whether it was candid or we knew about it.

_Look at this photograph…_

_Every time I do it makes me laugh._

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><p><strong>Okay. I'm totally emo now. . FFn is weird! O_O<br>**

**`KOICHII**


	5. This Sucks

**Feeler Moments**

I was slowly starting to accept the fact that he would really like me like I the way I like him. I was contented with what we had that time. Being friends. Just friends.

Until we had that field trip. We went to an island for two days where we stayed at a resort. Girls get to sleep with girls and boys with boys. You know the rule. But I didn't know that boys could gossip, too.

Athrun, Kira, Dearka and Ahmed **(Sorry. No Yzak here)** joined in one room. As I recalled, Dearka told me a few days later what they talked about. Good ol' Dearka. Can't keep his mouth shut. What did they talk about? Later.

On the second day of our field trip, we went to different places. On the ride towards one of them, I accidentally fell asleep on Athrun's shoulder. He didn't react to it and just let me be. He, too, slept on the way. The next few days, we found a picture of us sleeping together on facebook.

The last place we went to was the beach. We had dinner there. My other classmates were busy getting souvenirs from the place. I was left with Ahmed on the cottage so I dragged him to the beach so we could watch the moon which was full that time.

And until now, I regretted doing that. Why? When I dragged Ahmed, I didn't know he had motives of his own. He confessed to me right there and then and asked me to be his girlfriend! And my reaction? Jeez. I laughed out loud. I feel pretty bad thinking about that. He was the most quiet and the I-don't-care-about-the-world type of guy. When we were in second year, we were debating over ourselves if he really like someone. Tsk.

I spent two miserable weeks after that. I felt miserable and frustrated for I don't know how to reject Ahmed the gentliest way possible. What Dearka and Kira told me wasn't helpful. They told me that Ahmed may have been threatened by Athrun. I got confused.

"We had boy talk back at the resort." Dearka explained. "We had ourselves admit who we like the most in the class. Athrun, Kira, Ahmed and I chose you. Well, I like Mir and you. Kira likes Lacus and you. Athrun and Ahmed chose you, too."

"Okay." I mumbled, still confused. "Why is he threatened with Athrun only?"

"Dearka and I basically have girlfriends." Kira answered. "And we all know that Athrun likes you."

I frowned. The more it became complicated. I like Athrun. Ahmed likes me. Athrun and Ahmed are friends.

It sucks.

_Two boys liking the same girl shouldn't be friends. Because in the end, she will lose them both._

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><p><em><em>**Sleepy. _**

**`KOICHII  
><strong>


	6. The Hardest Thing

**Feeler Moments**

That was one of the emotionally hard times for me. I got frustrated and sort of angry at Athrun. I know I cannot blame him but I cannot help it. I was starting to move on but then I found out that he likes me, too. Back to square one, I guess.

"Kira and I even had a bet. We saw you and Ahmed on the beach and Athrun was walking near you. We had a bet whether he would go near you or not." Dearka said.

"He could've just approached us. He could've saved me from that awkward moment." I joked dryly.

_Damn you, Athrun Zala. _I seriously wanted to punch him. I so want to.

What Ahmed did wasn't really a secret. I told my friends about it and they couldn't believe it that Ahmed confessed. The geeky Ahmed. Heck, the news even reached to my seniors. Some girls there had a crush on Ahmed.

I told almost everyone except Athrun.

But he eventually told me that he knew all along. Even before the whole class knew, he already knew.

"I have my sources." He said.

Since then, he openly teased me about Ahmed. I acted irritated with it though deep inside, I'm hurt. This guy is really cold. He kept on asking every details how Ahmed courted me and how I rejected the boy. He even asked me what I feel and I was like, "Are you serious?"

_The hardest thing I ever have to do_

_To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you..._

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><p><strong>Song: The Hardest Thing (98 Degrees)<strong>

**`KOICHII**_  
><em>


	7. Fourth Year

**Feeler Moments**

It was our fourth year. Everything was pretty normal except that Ahmed and I weren't talking now and I'm falling even more for Athrun. By that time, rumors were going around that he's dating someone. A sophomore.

I didn't believe it. Of course I see him with different girls for he's like, err, friendly. I don't want to believe it until intramurals came.

Usually, intramurals would last for a week and at the last day, some sort of festival will be held. I attended the Athlete's night for it would be the last time that I would witness it. I'm graduating that time.

My other friend, Meyrin, wasn't around. Though I saw her a earlier. I texted her to come to the hall because we were planning something for her and her crush. But she didn't reply so I called her. She asked me, Mir and Lacus to join her at a bar not really far from our school. When we went there, she approached us with eyes that told us she's quite drunk.

"Mey, you should go home." I told her worriedly. Especially when I saw that she's the only girl in the group. Okay, given that they're our kouhais, it still doesn't change the fact that they're guys.

Meyrin smiled then she hugged me. "Cagalli, I'm sorry." She slurred the words.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Sorry?"

"I know you like him, but…" She smiled again as she let me go. Boy, I've never seen her so drunk.

My heart began to pump mad. Him? Could she be referring to…? "What did you do?" I asked with mock hurt. Then I laughed, trying to think that she's just joking.

"What are you talking about, Mey?" Mir asked while Lacus just looked confusedly at her.

"I can't tell you now. Just that we did something. Last night." Meyrin said mysteriously.

"We?" Lacus asked.

"You're drunk." I said then I dragged her out of the bar with a laugh. But deep inside, I was troubled. I know Meyrin's not lying. I could only think of what she did with Athrun. And it broke my heart.

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><p><strong>The songs I'm listening to aren't helping. Such a crappy story this is. LOL.<strong>


	8. The Last Time

**Feeler Moments**

"She told me what happened." Luna said a few days later. "They were both drunk. Or at least she's more drunk than him. Tried to seduce him and one thing led to another." She was Meyrin's sister and she was able to get a confession out of her.

"Cagalli, are you alright?" Lacus asked worriedly.

I smiled though my eyes were tearing up. "I don't wanna see them." I mumbled. I tried pushing it off my mind over the weekend. Meyrin doesn't seem to remember what she told me that night for she asked me through a text, "What did I tell you last night, Cagalli?"

"Athrun knows that you know." I went stiff when I heard Kira. "He got furious when he found out that Meyrin herself told you."

I slapped my forehead. Oh God.

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><p>We went to a karaoke bar that night. Sort of an advance celebration for my birthday which will be tomorrow. I got to drag Shin along. Contrary to what Athrun thinks, he's just my bestfriend.<p>

As the party began, I felt someone tap my knee. I looked up and saw Athrun looking weirdly at me. I know he's drunk already. He, Kira and Dearka had a few shots before we left. "Yes?"

He stared at me for a moment making me squirm uncomfortably in my seat. Then he shook his head as he smiled slightly."Nothing." He said.

"Weirdo." I muttered which made him laugh. But throughout the night, I could feel him staring at me.

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><p>Everyone went home for Christmas and left me all alone since I live in the city.<p>

It was three months since that incident between Athrun and Meyrin. The blue-haired boy was completely ignoring her and she the same. The issued died out.

Athrun and I were back on texting mode again. As usual, he was teasing me about Ahmed. I was perfectly happy with it because it was like we're being normal friends again. Though I know being friends is all we ever could be.

"Hey, I heard there's a really good chocolate there in PLANT." I said. "Why don't you bring me some when school starts again."

"Eh. It's too heavy. I've packed my bags already." He protested.

"Oh shut up. You just don't want to do it."

"Mmm. How about I bring myself then? I would make a nice present."

I blushed. Good thing he couldn't see me. "I don't like you. I want the chocolate."

"Okay. I'll bring you some. But first tell me who is Heine's crush?" Heine's our classmate. He's really making everyone think about if he's gay or not. I know the truth though. And I know who Heine likes. But I wouldn't tell it to Athrun.

"Really? Heine would kill me for sure."

"Oh come on. Is it Kira?" I choked with laughter when I read his reply. He's right on the spot! Heine likes Kira so much but couldn't tell the brunette about it.

"LOL. I don't know." I replied as I texted Heine. "Athrun is blackmailing me. Said he'll bring me chocolate if I tell him who's your crush."

"Really?" Heine replied. "That Zala."

A few minutes passed and I received another text from Athrun. "Thanks for telling Heine." His reply seemed sarcastic to me.

"You're welcome." I replied back sarcastically.

I really have no idea that that was the last time we'd be talking to each other.

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><p>"Did you fight with someone over the holidays?" Kira asked me.<p>

I looked at him confused though I know what he's pointing out. "No, why? Though I know I made someone mad. But I don't care." It was just a joke. Heine didn't even get angry. So why would he?

"That girl's really irritating. She's pretty, intelligent, has a good pose but I just can't take her attitude!" I heard Athrun one time while I was going to our classroom. I slowly backed out before he and Kira could see me. I know he's talking about me.

What a sensitive guy.

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><p>I haven't seen him since graduation. And that's about six months now. I don't know what happened to him for we lost communication. Every means of communication with each other. All I know is he's got a girlfriend now. Good for him.<p>

Actually, I love him. Maybe still. Maybe not any more. But there's this certain ache in my heart whenever I think of him and all the memories we had.

Kira said that however Athrun would deny it, he's in love with me. Heck. I don't need to be reminded of that. I loved him. He maybe loved me. But we're not really meant to be.

He's been one part of my teenage life which I both love and hate to remember. Pretty confusing. The shared umbrella, the drawing tucked away on some old wallet, the pictures of us together. They would always be apart of that colorful life I call college.

I'm hoping that someday, the stories I've created about me and him will turn into a quaint and ancient volume of forgotten lore.

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><p><strong>Owari.<strong>

**Crappy. Mushy. Ugh.**

**`KOICHII**


End file.
